I'm no longer "Mr."

They’ve finally removed the “Mr.”. If you went to the Amazon page to buy my paperback (which you definitely should, by the way – it’s only $6.99 and tells you which city in America has the most sex), I was listed as “Mr. Ken Levine”. I have no idea why. It made me seem like such a diva – the male equivalent of “Miss Diana Ross”. The message it sends is this guy takes himself reeeeally SERIOUSLY. This is not the best profile for an author trying to hawk a humor book.

Nor is it particularly flattering. It’s not Mr. Show Biz or Mr. Dynamite or Mr. Burns. It’s an uptight hair stylist. And it's not a demand for respect.  "They call me Mr. Levine" doesn't have the same gravitas as "They call me Mr. Tibbs." 

Besides, Mr. Levine is my son.

Okay, an explanation: When my daughter, Annie was 13 she attended a summer day camp at her elementary school. My son, Matt (then 17) was hired to be one of the counselors. The camp director insisted that all campers only refer to the counselors by their last names. So Annie had to call her brother Mr. Levine. This went over well, as you can imagine.

Anyway, after a week Amazon finally removed the Mr.

I also get a kick out of the feature where they list other items people who bought my book have ordered. In my case, they include a butane lighter, a self-help counseling book by Dr. Phil, and a trash can with a shredder attached.

Thanks to everyone who has ordered my book (either in paperback, Kindle, Nook, or other ebook format). And trust me, that shredder really works!

Reducing humor to an equation

Came across this recently from my Chicago friend, Lyle Dean.   No one has been able to accurately define just why something is funny.  Up until now!  Funny man Alastair Clarke has broken the code.  Throw away that seltzer bottle.  Grab a probability calculator!  Here, for the first time ever, is THE SECRET OF COMEDY.

A new theory suggests an equation for identifying the cause and level of our responses to any humorous stimuli: h = m x s.

The theory argues that human beings are more reliant for their behavioural instruction on culturally inherited information than any other species, and that the accuracy of that information is therefore of unparalleled importance. Yet the individual is exposed to the continual threats of error and deception, which can seriously affect their chances of survival and success.

To compensate, humour rewards us for seeing through misinformation that has come close to taking us in. The pleasure we get (h) is calculated by multiplying the degree of misinformation perceived (m) by the extent to which the individual is susceptible to taking it seriously (s).

Humour therefore exists to encourage us to take information apart and to reject that which is unsound and could potentially harm our prospects. Every time we laugh, we have successfully achieved this, resolving inconsistencies in the fabric of our knowledge as we do so.

"I am not attempting to claim that we each engage in an algebraic equation before we find something funny," says the author, Alastair Clarke, "but that this schematic description reflects the instantaneous reactions of the brain to potentially dangerous misinformation."

I'm sorry, that still doesn't explain Gallagher.

Why do shows that were once good now suck?

Ready for some Friday questions?

lansing asks:

Do writers on a long-term show perceive when the quality of a program is in decline? A substantial decline in ratings makes this obvious to everyone. However, a ratings decline can substantially lag a quality decline.

Well, first of all, if I’m a show creator, that’s a problem I’d be happy to have.  By the time we jump the shark I'll be in Hawaii. 

There are several reasons why a show’s quality declines. You start running out of stories. Imagine if Shakespeare had to come up with 200 stories for Hamlet.  They'd be doing the talent show episode by season two.

You find yourself falling into familiar patterns. And you find that the characters no longer surprise you. You pretty much know exactly what they’re going to do in every situation since you’ve already put them in every situation.

Another reason is that often show runners get tired of the grind of producing a show every week and scale back their involvement (Aloha!).  The replacement writers, although they may be good, just don’t have the same feel for the show as the person who created it. So it drifts a little. That’s how we felt with MASH. David Isaacs and I, on our best days, were not as good as Larry Gelbart on his worst.

Sometimes your star over time will assume more creative control and that can cause a sea change in the show’s quality. Yes, I’m thinking of you, Cybil Shepherd. (Sidenote:  I see she's agreed to be in a sitcom pilot this season.  God help those poor writers.)

I used to welcome when we’d have a cast change because that would alter the chemistry and give the show a new sense of freshness. Charles Winchester on MASH and Rebecca Howe on CHEERS are two good examples. TWO AND A HALF MEN could experience that too. (Who should they get? Gary Busey? Mel Gibson? Randy Quaid?)

Someone who didn’t leave his name wondered:

When you were working on becoming a baseball announcer, did you ever have the cojones to ask Vin Scully to listen to one of your tapes and comment?

No. I never wanted to impose. Plus, I didn’t want my idol to think, “Jesus, this guy is horseshit!”

From Robala:

How many pilots will a network allow for a new show? For instance, I know that there two previous pilots for "All in the Family" (with two other actors cast as Mike and Gloria) and another pilot for the "Bob Newhart Show" where Jerry wasn't a dentist but in practice with Bob.

It all depends on how much faith the network has in the project. 90% of the time if your pilot isn’t picked up it’s dead. But there are times when the network is willing to redevelop it. There have been several HAWAII 5-0 pilots before the current version (one even starring Gary Busey). NBC made a couple of versions of the British hit COUPLING. And for some reason NBC just wouldn’t let the LIPSTICK JUNGLE project die. There must be a version starring every TV personality except Ivanka Trump.

Today, networks routinely recast and re-shoot parts of pilots after they’ve been picked up. That way if Gary Busey's and Cybil Shepherd's pilots doesn’t go, they can be inserted into yours.


Stephen wants to know:

What is your opinion on multi-year contracts actors enter into when they join a show, as opposed to the single-season contracts most actors are signed to here in the UK?

As a producer, I love it. That way I know that if the show takes off, I’m protected. My cast is locked in and so are their salaries.

For the actors, it’s not such a good deal. Based on one script (that is bound to change) you’re asked to make a multi-year commitment. For the quick income you make on the pilot, sometimes you’re then stuck on a terrible show… for five years. That's more of a sentence than some people get for murder.  And you don’t have a lot of time to think about it. There are a hundred other actors who would jump at that opportunity. That’s a big life commitment to make in six minutes.

And finally, sophomorecritic has a question about my book WHERE THE HELL AM I? TRIPS I HAVE SURVIVED (the Kindle version you can order here, the paperback you can order here), and all other ebook formats here.)

I would buy a book about Ken Levine's experiences in TV (easier than scrolling through all the back entries), but why would I be interested in his travels?

Ken's developed a readership based on his great firsthand accounts about working in TV and his insights into the TV/film industry. Does anyone else think it's a big mistake for him to self-publish a book that has little to nothing to do with what bought people to this blog in the first place?

That's a fair question.  But I like to think of my blog as more than just a TV industry and writing advice destination.  I post about whatever interests me.  And that may range from baseball to pop culture to radio to travel.  I happen to think readers would enjoy following my turbulent sojourns.  Doesn't mean I won't do a TV related book at one point... assuming this book sells.  So if you want a TV book, the best thing to do is buy ten copies of this one even if you have no interest or hate it. 

What’s your question?  Please leave it in the comments section and thanks. 

My favorite location spotting story

Yesterday’s post on location shooting unlocked a lot of memories for a lot of people. Thanks for sharing yours. I have one more story. This is my favorite.

There’s a large indoor shopping mall in West Los Angeles called the Beverly Center. Along with chain stores and a bad food court is a multi-plex theater. One afternoon, with nothing to do, Sam Simon (co-creator of THE SIMPSONS) and I decided to kill time by going to a movie.

As usual, twelve theaters – nothing good. We finally settled on VOLCANO.

VOLCANO  was a ridiculous movie that came out in 1997. Apparently a volcano erupts in Los Angeles. You’d think some geologist sometime would know that there was an active volcano brewing under a giant metropolis. When they started digging the Metrolink subway wouldn’t at least one worker say, “Y’know, it’s awfully warm down here”?

And usually volcanoes erupt out of mountains and not flat residential areas but why quibble?

So we’re watching this atrocity. There must’ve been ten other people in the theater. The volcano goes off. There’s mass panic and bad special effects. Anne Heche and Tommy Lee Jones try to save the city. Former talk show host and Oprah-wannabe, Mother Love plays “traffic cop”. The great actor, Harvey Levin even appears.

The molten lava is oozing down major streets, melting everything in its path. Storefronts are obliterated. Frozen Yogurt stands offer little resistance.

Finally, there’s a shot of the red hot lava fast approaching the Beverly Center, to which Sam cries out, “Hey! We better get out of here!”

That was maybe the biggest laugh I (and everyone else in the theater) ever had during a movie.

Location is everything.

Hey, there's a portion of my car on national TV!!!

In the first year of CHEERS, they still edited the show on film (later they would transfer the film to tape and edit digitally). One time my partner, David and I were asked to go over to editing and check something out. We walked across the lot to the building where our editors were located, trudged up the stairs, glanced out the big window that greeted us at the top of the stairs, and we both just stopped dead in our tracks.

It hit us both instantly.

That was the view out of Lucy and Ricky’s hotel room in Hollywood during that famous season of I LOVE LUCY. They must’ve taken the photo for the backdrop from right there.

This is one of the cool things about living in Los Angeles – recognizing locations in TV or movies that I know or have been to.

And it’s especially great when it comes as an unexpected surprise.

Here's another example: I grew up in Woodland Hills, a suburb of the San Fernando Valley. About ten years ago I’m watching a rerun of an old ‘50s action/crime show called HIGHWAY PATROL. This starred Broderick Crawford, an overweight middle-aged balding alcoholic as the head of the CHP. (Imagine getting that guy through network casting today? Now the same part would be played by Elizabeth Mitchell.)

Quick side note: Crawford really was an alcoholic. In fact, he had so many DUI’s that his drivers’ license had been permanently revoked. This caused a big problem because how can the head of the Highway Patrol not be able to drive? So a concession was reached. Crawford was allowed to drive but only when the camera was running. So the director would yell “Action!”, Crawford would drive the car, the director would yell “Cut! Let’s go again!”, and Crawford would have to exit the vehicle so a crew member could drive the car back to the original spot.

Anyway, I’m watching this show (probably on cable channel 863) and Crawford is driving down a street. Suddenly I recognize a storefront. Neider’s Auto Body. Holy shit! It hits me – he’s driving down Ventura Blvd., right where I used to live! I, of course, hadn’t seen that street in a million years. But it all came flooding back to me. He passed Dillaway Realty. I knew instantly what he would pass next – the Pool Supply store, then the Gulf gas station, the freeway underpass, and Love’s BBQ.

Sure enough the tracking shot continued. There was the Pool Supply place, there was the Gulf station, and then… what the fuck!? There was no freeway underpass. This must’ve been filmed a year before the freeway was erected.

I can’t tell you how absolutely weird that was. Truly, like being in a time machine.

And that was just one example. The Bob Hope movie, BACHELOR IN PARADISE was filmed in my neighborhood. The tract house he lived in was the same model as mine. (The interior was different though. Ours didn’t have Lana Turner.) There were scenes in the Woodlake Bowl where I once sprained my thumb! Landmarks popped up throughout the whole movie.

And this was not a rare occurrence.  I was very excited one afternoon to come out of the Woodland Hills library and see that they were filming a scene from THE FBI there. Efrem Zimbelist Jr.(who had his license) pulled his car to a stop right in front. And there, in the shot, for all to see, was the back fin of my Mercury Comet! The night it aired I actually invited friends over.

This is one of the perks of living in a company town. Seeing old neighborhoods and places long since turned into Costcos.  It's a real blast from the past. And it makes up for the horrible downside.

For every nostalgic wistful moment I’ve had, there are an equal or greater number of moments when I’ve been really pissed because traffic is snarled due to location filming of some fucking idiotic movie or TV show. Streets are blocked off.  Temporary "No Parking" signs are everywhere.  Equipment trucks and cable as far as the eye can see.  Giant lights blind you at night.  “Why can’t they film this goddamn thing in Pittsburgh”?! I’ve been known to yell.

But then I see Neider's Auto Body and realize I'm the luckiest guy in the world.  

The paperback is again available

Once again you can order the paperback of my book, WHERE THE HELL AM I?  TRIPS I HAVE SURVIVED by clicking here.   The price remains a ridiculously low $6.99 and if we ever meet I'll autograph it for you, which will reduce its value even more.   Sorry for the one-day delay. 

Just got off the phone with Chaucer who told me these things happen.  He also told me to include all the blurbs I've gotten.  I said, "Isn't that really shameless?"  And he said, "So what?!  You're trying to sell some books, aren't ya?"   Hey, he's Chaucer.  He's the man.  So here are some blurbs. 

That Ken Levine can seem so effortlessly funny on topics ranging from the TV industry to cruise ships to sports only confirms what a devilishly good craftsman he is. His travel writing reminds me of S.J. Perelman’s; his show-biz skewerings of an unholy alliance between Mark Twain and Ricky Gervais. Go figure; go laugh.

-- KEN TUCKER
Entertainment Weekly

Funny, hilarious, hysterical, side-splitting, witty… These are just a few of the words I found in a thesaurus to describe Ken Levine’s “Where The Hell Am I”!

-- SAM SIMON
Co-creator of The Simpsons

Ken Levine is one of a select hand full of people on planet earth who has been able to earn a nice living practically since childhood by writing jokes. Before deciding to commit to writing a book, he bothered to first log decade after decade in the trenches, being professionally funny! Who else do you know who did something like that, just for your reading enjoyment? How could you live with yourself if you didn't buy this? 'How?', I ask. 'How?'
-- MERRILL MARKOE
Author, commentator, former head writer of the David Letterman Show.

"As a frequent traveler I always look forward to Ken's travelogues. They make me actually LOL. Anyone who travels or ever dreamed of traveling will love his humor (except shepherds - shepherds will not like this one bit)."

-- JOE BUCK
Fox Sports

Finally!! We who have been lucky enough to read Ken's hilarious essays

always say, "You should publish these!". I'm a tough customer when it comes

to laughing out loud alone (except after tequila), so trust me when I tell

you, this book will make you laugh. A lot.

-- ELAYNE BOOSLER
Writer, Comedian, Founder Tails of Joy

"First, you say, 'I wish I could notice what he notices.' Then, you go, 'I wish I could put things the way he puts them.' Then it's 'I wish I had his batting average for hilarious comedy.' Then you forget all that nonsense and just laugh. With Ken Levine as your Tour Guide, you can laugh at a variety of travel destinations without ever having to leave the house. A plus for Agoraphobics, who like a good chuckle."
-- EARL POMERANTZ
Award winning writer for Taxi, Mary Tyler Moore Show, Larry Sanders

"As travel writers go, Ken Levine is like de Tocqueville, only better because he is not French."

--ANDY BOROWITZ
Writer, satirist,commentator

The AMC pilot "Bake-Off"

I’m changing my advice to aspiring writers.

I’m always asked what’s the best advice I can give them and up until now I’ve said just continue to write. Study English. Read scripts. Analyze scripts. Learn dramatic structure.  But most of all, keep churning out material.

That stuff is still important, but it seems today, equally or even more important is becoming a good salesman.

AMC last week held what it likes to call their “Bake-off”. Six pilot scripts have been ordered and the writers of those shows had to trek down to some LA hotel and make elaborate presentations of their projects. The writer/creators each had to show a promo reel and re-pitch their series in detail, even mapping out the entire first season. Wow. Why not get a seventh contender, Watson the computer, and just show the whole thing on the Game Show Network?

What this means of course is that if a young Neil Simon pitched THE ODD COUPLE to AMC while Dr. Gene Scott, who never wrote a script in his life, pitched a show about a guy just sitting in a chair, Dr. Gene would get the pilot order.   Why?  He’s the better salesman.

I understand the trend. There are fewer pilots, fewer movies being developed – it’s harder to make a sale. So it’s not enough to come in with a good idea – you’ve now got to wow them.

But this requires a whole different set of skills. Confidence, charisma, charm. Most writers I know became writers precisely because they lack those skills. Hence the problem.

Now granted, these are great attributes to have, whether you’re a writer or not. Presenting yourself favorably is important in any field. The question though is how do you make that transformation? How do you go from a guy who is only comfortable writing in an isolation tank in Antarctica to Sean Hannity? Self-help books? Motivation seminars? Copious amounts of alcohol and drugs?

Well, whatever it takes, whatever you have to do – do it. Even if it means foregoing a master class on writing by Aaron Sorkin to take Bill Clinton’s “Five Steps to Get Anyone On Their Knees” weekend retreat.  What good is a great script if it just sits in your drawer?

I have no idea what the six pilots are that competed in the AMC “Bake Off”. On the one hand it seems a little unfair to judge a project’s merit based on the sales pitch of an amateur salesman, but on the other, at least it’s something active you as the creator can DO. It’s in YOUR hands, not a bunch of idiots rounded up at the Fat Burger across the street of the Preview House.

So take that public speaking class, listen to the theme from Rocky on an endless loop. Just remember -- Colin Firth might’ve beaten Jesse Eisenberg for the Oscar, but at AMC Jesse gets the greenlight while Colin is told: “Th-th-th-th-that’s all folks!”