Lady Gaga has submitted a bizarre rider requesting staff speak to her London accents

The 'Judas' singer is reportedly so obsessed with Britain she threw a pre-royal wedding party before Prince William married Princess Catherine last month and now in preparation for an upcoming UK gig this weekend she has asked her entire team to speak in Cockney accents ' the traditional accent of people who live in the East End area of the city.

In addition, Gaga has asked for her dressing room at Radio 1's Big Weekend on Sunday (15.05.11) to be decorated in Union Jack bunting and has requested traditional British food and drinks, including fish and chips, gin and Pimms.

The eccentric 25-year-old singer is also said to be obsessed with eating a deep fried Mars bar after hearing about the Scottish delicacy.

An insider told the Daily Mirror newspaper: 'Gaga cracked up when they told her about deep fried Mars bars and said: 'But why would anyone deep-fry a candy car?''

However, Gaga is also providing alternative food and drinks for those who don't share her obsession with all things British and her team can look forward to a whole roasted chicken, a cheese plate, tortilla chips and dips, vegetarian hot dogs and their own smoothie station to blend up delicious fruit drinks.

Cesc Fabregas Career Summary

Fàbregas started playing his club football at FC Barcelona. During his youth career, he was played mostly as a volante (defensive midfielder), yet he was also a prolific scorer, sometimes scoring more than 30 goals in a season.

However, he did not play a first-team game at the Camp Nou. Sensing that he would have limited opportunites at Barcelona if he stayed, he decided to join Arsenal, signing for the London club on 11 September 2003.

Initially, he found life difficult in England's capital but soon struck a friendship with team-mate Philippe Senderos, who helped him settle down. As a 16-year-old, Fàbregas did not even think about breaking into the first team but looked up to his seniors Patrick Vieira and Gilberto Silva, while concentrating on training and learning the English language.He made his début not long after, on October 23, 2003, in a League Cup tie at home to Rotherham United. In doing so he became Arsenal's youngest-ever first-team player, aged 16 years and 177 days.

He then became the youngest goalscorer in Arsenal's history in a later round of the League Cup, scoring from close range in a 5-1 victory against Wolves. Although Arsenal went on to win the league unbeaten in the 2003-04 season, Fàbregas was not given a winner's medal because he did not play in a single league game.

Fàbregas takes a shot at goal in a game against Sheffield United in 2006.It was not until the start of the 2004-05 season that the Spaniard started making first-team appearances in matches outside the League Cup. His first match of the season was against Manchester United in the Community Shield. Following an injury to Vieira, Fàbregas stepped in and made four consecutive Premier League starts.

He earned praise for his performances in those games, even claiming a goal against Blackburn Rovers in a 3-0 victory, and becoming Arsenal's youngest ever goalscorer in a league game. With further injuries to Edu and Gilberto Silva, more playing time in all competitions was extended to the teenager. In the UEFA Champions League, he became the second-youngest goalscorer in the competition's history after scoring the third goal against Rosenborg in a 5-1 victory.

He concluded his season by winning his first honours with Arsenal when he was in the starting eleven that defeated Manchester United on penalties in the 2005 FA Cup Final.

After the departure of Arsenal captain Patrick Vieira to Juventus, Fàbregas featured regularly in the Arsenal central midfield alongside Gilberto Silva. Inheriting the number 4 jersey from Vieira, he made 49 appearances in all competitions during the 2005-06 season.

Despite his young age, given that he was establishing himself as a regular in the side, his performances came under greater scrutiny. Possessing a smaller frame and playing with less aggression than Vieira, there were initially doubts over his ability to fill in the void left by the Frenchman. Nevertheless, Fàbregas asserted his own style of play and impressed pundits in the Champions League against Real Madrid and Juventus.

In the latter, he scored Arsenal's first goal and set up Thierry Henry for the second,[16] at the same time proving that he could hold his own against tough, hard-tackling midfielders like Vieira. He then played in the final against his former club Barcelona, but Arsenal were defeated 1-2, completing a trophyless 2005-06 campaign for Arsenal.

Fàbregas' increase in stature drew transfer speculation during the summer; Real Madrid expressed a desire to sign the Spaniard despite his long-term contract with Arsenal, but Arsenal manager Arsène Wenger stated that Arsenal would not listen to any offers. In September 2006, with six years left on his deal, Arsenal offered a new eight-year deal to the midfielder, which he signed on October 19, 2006. While the contract was unusually long, Fàbregas cited Arsenal's playing style and Wenger as reasons for his long-term commitment to the club. The 2006-07 season proved to be another learning experience for the young Arsenal squad and Fàbregas. The club again failed to secure any major honours and was defeated by city rivals Chelsea in the League Cup final.

However, Fàbregas emerged as one of the key creative players for the team, playing in every single league game. He kickstarted Arsenal's UEFA Champions League 2006-07 campaign when he scored a brace in a 3–0 win over Dinamo Zagreb in a qualifier match. In the Premier League, he notched up 13 assists (second-highest in the league). He ended the season with several individual honours, including the Golden Boy award, presented by the Italian paper TuttoSport, based on a poll of leading writers across Europe.

He was also named in the 2006 UEFA Team of the Year, and named FA Premier League Player of the Month for January 2007. Additionally, he was nominated for both PFA Players' Player of the Year and PFA Young Player of the Year, but both awards went to Manchester United's Cesc Fabregas. Finally, in June 2007, he was named Arsenal's Player of the Season, taking in 60% of the votes.

Spanish national team Although he is now featuring regularly for the Spain national football team, Fàbregas' international career had already begun at the youth level.

At the 2003 FIFA U-17 World Championship held in Finland, he finished as top scorer of the tournament despite playing in midfield, and was voted Player of the Tournament. Spain finished runners-up in the tournament to Brazil.

After emerging as one of Arsenal's key players in only his second season at the club, it did not take long for Fàbregas to be called up to the senior squad. Noting his impressive performances in Arsenal's 2006 Champions League campaign, Spain coach Luis Aragones named the teenager in the team for a friendly against the Ivory Coast. In that game, Fàbregas became the youngest player capped for Spain in 70 years. He received good reviews for his début, and was involved in the build-up to Spain's first goal in the 3–2 victory over the Ivorians.

On May 15, 2006, Fàbregas was selected for the Spanish 2006 World Cup squad. During the tournament, he came on as a second-half substitute in Spain's first two group matches, contributing an assist in their 3–1 victory against Tunisia. He then started alongside Spain's reserve players (including Arsenal-teammate José Antonio Reyes) in Spain's third group match against Saudi Arabia. He earned a starting role in Spain's first knockout-stage match against France, in place of Marcos Senna, but Spain lost 3–1. Fàbregas also became the youngest player in Spanish football history to participate in a World Cup when he came on as a substitute for Luis García after 77 minutes in the 4-0 victory against Ukraine on 13 June 2006; he was then 19 years and 41 days old. He was later nominated for the Gillette Young Player of the World Cup, but Germany's Lukas Podolski won the award.

Cesc Fabregas Biography

Francesc "Cesc" Fàbregas Soler born May 4, 1987 in Arenys de Mar, Catalonia, Spain is a Spanish footballer who plays as a central midfielder for Arsenal in the English Premier League and for the Spanish national team.

Fàbregas started his career as a trainee with FC Barcelona but was signed by Arsenal in July 2003.

He did not feature much in his first season for the Gunners, but following injuries to key midfielders in the 2004-05 season, he became utilised more often and gradually established himself as Arsenal's starting central midfielder alongside Gilberto Silva.

Having made the first team at a young age, the teenager went on to break several of the club's records as he began to earn a reputation of a technically-gifted player, excellent passer of the ball and key component of the Arsenal lineup.

While Gilberto Silva provides a more defensive presence, Fàbregas functions primarily as a playmaker. In international football, the Spaniard's national career began at the youth level, representing the Under-17 side at the 2003 FIFA U-17 World Championship.

As a result of his club performances, he was called up the senior squad and played in the 2006 World Cup. In 2006, Fàbregas committed his long-term future to Arsenal and signed an eight-year contract.

Animated version of my imagined Pirates confab with studio head

Thanks to fan-of-the-blog, Jonathan Ernst, who made this animated version of my imagined conversation with a studio head on being offered to write the new version of PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN.

Pirates of the Caribbean -- arrgh!!

In anticipation of the opening later this month of PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN 17, my daughter Annie put together a “Pirate Paaaarrr-ty”. She invited a bunch of friends to watch a marathon – the first three PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEANS, along with home baked pirate snacks and decorations. Even my Bob’s Big Boy got into the spirit.

The first installment was a hoot. Johnny Depp’s take on Captain Jack Sparrow was fun and unique – more of a “swishbuckler” than “swashbuckler”. Orlando Bloom was dashing, and it’s always entertaining to see Keira Knightley kidnapped. Sure, there’s a certain suspension of belief. I can’t believe Keira Knightley would be held captive by the pirates and not passed around like a joint. But that’s movie magic. I enjoyed the film in the theater and this weekend as well on DVD.

POTC 2 was an utter mess. Saw that in the theater and found it such a trainwreck I never bothered to see POTC 3. When 2 originally came out I reviewed it in my blog. Here’s the full review, but here’s just a sample:

But my big problem was this – what the fuck was going on?? There’s this ship of slime pirates, and then a map, and a bad guy from the last movie gets hired on the ship, and Keira Knightley is stowing away on another ship, and then some Voodoo lady who’s been eating licorice offers cryptic advice, and there’s a dice game that makes no sense, and Keira’s dress is floating in the water and that is supposed to mean something, and Orlando Bloom’s clothes never get dirty, and they capture a little monkey for some reason, and the Creature from the Black Lagoon visits Jack one night, and Jonathon Pryce complains about wearing a wig, and it’s real important Jack keeps a jar of dirt, and there’s a three-way sword fight between Jack, Orlando Bloom and the bad guy from the last movie where they’re all accusing each other of things more confusing than any BIG SLEEP plot point… etc.

So I skipped the screening of POTC 2. But came back for some of 3, just out of curiosity. I had no earthly idea what was going on. Neither did the others in the room and they all had SEEN this movie at least once before.

The pirates are in a dead world and there are three Jack Sparrows and they sink the ship and hang underwater for several hours until it’s dawn, which rights the ships somehow and they’re back in the real world. There’s a Pirate national convention for some reason and everyone follows these rules that they make up as they go along. Geoffrey Rush, who was killed in the first one, inexplicably comes back in this one. And all he does is eat green apples. Keira Knightley goes from damsel in distress to kick-ass action hero and finally, king of the pirates. That's pretty impressive for someone who weighs 80 pounds.  There are Asian pirates, African pirates, living corpse pirates, and I think I saw some of Captain Hook’s men, too. Licorice voodoo woman grows to 50 feet and then explodes into a thousand coconuts for no reason at all. Just an utter mess.

The next sequel is the prequel we’re told. This time with no Keira Knightley and Orlando Bloom, which tells me they’re the only two actors who asked to read a script first. But Keith Richards is back. He’s the only actor who can play a pirate without having to get into costume and make-up.

So I imagined a scene if I were asked to write PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN 4. This is me and the studio executive.

ME: After three movies and practically nine hours, what pirate genre moment hasn’t been done?

STUDIO EXEC: It doesn’t matter.

ME: The franchise is already getting extremely repetitious.

STUDIO EXEC: It doesn’t matter.

ME: And what was once fresh is now just a series of clichés.

STUDIO EXEC: It doesn’t matter.

ME:  But you'll get terrible reviews.


STUDIO EXEC: It doesn't matter.

ME: No one can follow the story.

STUDIO EXEC: It doesn’t matter.

ME: If this next installment is the prequel, hasn’t the audience already been told everything that’s going to happen?

STUDIO EXEC: It doesn’t matter.

ME: And won’t the fans of the series feel cheated without Keira and Orlando?

STUDO EXEC: It doesn’t matter.

ME: I see you have a new director, Rob Marshall. Isn’t he known for staging musicals and big dance numbers not action?

STUDIO EXEC: It doesn’t matter.

ME: Well then, hell. What does matter?

STUDIO EXEC: We make $500 million and keep the lines long at Disneyland.  Nothing you've brought up will have any effect on that. 

ME:  Well, I'm an artist.  I have integrity.  I can't do this.


STUDIO EXEC:  Here's what I'd pay you.

(HE WRITES A NUMBER DOWN ON A SCRAP OF PAPER AND SHOWS IT TO ME.)

ME: I can have the screenplay for you in two weeks.


STUDIO EXEC:  There might be even more sequels involved.

ME:  It doesn't matter.

PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN 4 – Opens May 20th.  Great Paaaaar-ty, Annie. Jack Sparrow would send many lily-livered scum down to Davy Jones Locker just for a bite of your cupcakes.

Happy Mama's Day

This is my favorite mother joke. Actually it's a mother-in-law joke and it comes from the very politically incorrect but screamingly funny AMOS & ANDY SHOW. I believe this was written by Mosher & Connelly (who went on to create LEAVE IT TO BEAVER and THE MUNSTERS).

The Kingfish sets up a blind date for "Mama". Hoping the poor guy would like her and take her off of his hands he arranges for Mama to go to the beauty parlor. He's talking to the hair stylist, describing Mama. He says (and I'm paraphrasing), "Picture a grapefruit that's been out at sea. And it washes ashore, all covered with seaweed and crabs. Now it sits in the sun for a couple of weeks and gets all wrinkly and rotted and bugs are now flying around it. Can you picture that?" The hairstylist says "Uh huh." And the Kingfish says, "Good. If you can make her look that good I'd be satisfied!"

A Queen Mother's Day treat

When the Queen Mother passed away there was an on-line bulletin board set up.  These are some of my favorite comments.  Happy Mother's Day.

"She was a marvelous woman, and a wonderful lover".

L.J.Worthington,Penrith.

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"Once again the Queen is not upset enough for my liking, the woman should have a bit more compassion, how would she feel if it was her mother?"

W.Waugh, Richmond.

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"I have been unable to masturbate for five days, and will not do so again until her majesty is buried"

E. Gorman, Derbyshire.

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"When Diana died I swore I would never smile again, but eventually I did. Now the Queen Mum has gone I cannot imagine that I will ever smile for the rest of my life, but I will probably break that one too".

A.Christie,Hendon.

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"She was one of the old school, all the remaining royals are shit"

J.Clement. Grantham.

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"I thought she would never die, she has let us all down very badly"

D.Holmes, Somerset.

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"She was a trooper and she never gave up. I remember one time she was visiting a school and I asked her if she would like to make a visit to the cloakroom before she left. 'No' she replied, 'I didn't give in to the Nazis and I won't give in to the bladder'. That's how she was, a fighter, who refused to be beaten by anything. She pissed herself later though, it was sickening".

B. Forrester, North Yorkshire.

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"I am absolutely devastated, at least we could have got the day off".

S.Wilson, Bristol.

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"How refreshing to be able to mourn the death of a member of the Royal family without being accused of being homosexual".

J. Fletcher, High Wycombe.

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"Her death should act as a warning to others who think it is cool to experiment with drugs". E. Franks, Cheshire.

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"On behalf on all blacks, I send the sincerest condolences".

T.Watson, Ilford.

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"I am sure the Queen Mum will not let this setback put an end to her public duties".

N. Wallace, Swansea.

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"I hold Princess Margaret in no small way responsible for this terrible event"

E. Thompson, West Lothian.

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"We must do all we can, send blankets, food parcels, jumpers, anything to help these brave souls who are queuing up to walk past her coffin."

R. Thompson, Bath.

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"Whichever way you look at it, it just is not as exciting as Diana".

G.Williams, West Midlands.

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"She was one of us, and by that I don't mean she perpetrated insurance fraud or lied about expense claims. She was like us in a good way. God bless you ma'am".

L. Weller, Harlow.

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"If only I could get my hands on that fish bone right now, you heartless bastard!"

J. Hedges, Cowdenbeath.

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"She had such a difficult life, always battling against adversity and misfortune. Let us hope that if there is a next time round she is given a life of privilege and comfort"

T.D.Wainwright, Hastings.

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"Perhaps if we automated her old golf buggy it could still drive around The Mall on its own and bring pleasure to the tourists".

Y. Howell, Slough.